Caramel Complex

Race is such a complex issue. Being a young black woman in this society, I'ma tell ya I've experienced it more times than I could count. And in those moments I knew with overwhleming conviction what it was like to want to be violent. I've wanted to hit, push and physically abuse those ignorant people but I reminded me "you're a christian".

It's even harder when you experience these prejudices within the church. Lets not kid ourselves, racism is alive and kickin'. It's just that if you ask a white person, they'll say it doesn't exist no more. But how could they know? they've never had to endure it? they probably wouldn't recognize it and many don't realize when they do it. Blame it on ignorance. Obviously it's not all whites that think like that, definately not. I have a few white friends i tell all the time, they gat black souls, dropped in a white body and some black friends i tell the opposite.

This past tuesday, Campus Ambassadors, the christian grp @ worcestser state college, had a topic on race and the church. It was a beautiful discussion. Largely becos CA is mostly white, and the leaders took it upon themselves to address this issue and openly discuss it. Fact is most grps ignore this, and act like it isn't there. I contribute to it when i prefer to sit with my black sistas, than with the caucasians. I've preconditioned myself to think it'll be torture and boring to talk about hiking, handbags, applepicking and cheese flavors, when i could be flowing with my nubians about the BET awards and kirk franklin's last concert. I find that it's mad easy for blacks to relate with puerto ricans...we both have crazy beautiful cultures.

I love the flava of my color, let there be no doubt. But I admit the prejudice I've experienced outside influences my behavior within the church. It's everybody's fault. Why wouldn't blacks be mad when they show Katrina victims and the whites are calling for help, while the blacks are the looters and criminals. I used to work in a large biotech company and everytime I walked the hallways, people would look @ me like I was lost, becos I didn't belong in such a highclass, hard-to-get position (I made it a point to let my ID show clearly). Or when I wuz buying bread @ "white" store and the attendant gave everyone else a bag, nicely wrapped with their order, and she left my loaf on the counter. I gave her the worst and harshest look I could make and said "would it be too much to get a bag?" gimme props, cos I didn't say nuthin bad. Or returing a large box with a computer @ a store. I stood waiting at the register with the worker standing right there on the register for 5mins; a white couple walks up and he goes over to them and says "may I help you?". I gave him my famous evil look and went to another worker, cos I would have raised a storm in the store if I'd uttered a word to him.

Now tell me, if you'd still have a clear mind after these kinds of experiences.

But the church should be my haven away from all this stupidity. But the fact is, it's still humans that make up the church, and they'll always be prone to such ignorant actions. It's not coincidence most white churches are republican, its becos of fundamentalism; most black churches are democrat, becos it is the "justice" party, after we've endured centuries of slavery. We prefer a BBQ at the pool w/urban jams turned up too loud, than white water rafting or rock climbing...it's just the way it is.

Until we get over ourselves, get rid of the fake forced smiles, get real, and be 100% honest, we won't be united in our cause for Christ. These issues fall secondary to our primary mission of reaching the lost. We should be spending our energy digging into deep spiritual facets.

Mad respect and love to the peeps @CA, I love you guzs for this effort. It's the only place right now where I honestly feel like my caramel skin doesn't make the slightest difference.